Friday, November 1, 2013

Pint-Sized Warrior

Her fists balled up at her sides, at just three feet tall, her frustration and anger are evident, to everyone within a mile's distance I'm sure. Her personality is strong and courageous, terrific qualities, but in this moment she's battling for control and it's exhausting.  It takes all my self-control to not raise my voice in response, to not threaten to take away all her toys and even Halloween itself if she doesn't stop throwing this epic fit.

Finally things settle and she sits quietly on time out and this worn out mama hides in her room, knowing I'm in need of my own timeout. I sit on the floor feeling defeated and the tears come. This mom gig can be tough and I feel ill-equipped at times. I close my eyes and silently pray, "Lord, I cannot do this on my own, I need you in this too." 
At first it feels like defeat, throwing in the towel, to recognize I cannot do this on my own. It's almost a prayer of regret, "In this moment, I'm failing." But the peace sinks in and fills the space, and it's actually hope.

And I see it's not weakness to need Him, but instead it's strength. He will be the strength I need in this, and in everything.

In the good and the bad, I need Him.  I feel that deeply this week, my desperate need for Him. I recognize the more I sink into this truth and allow Him to operate through me, the greater the opportunity for peace and joy. Even when I'm struggling or trying to figure out the next step, He's there, waiting to offer me peace and rest.

She comes in to find me after timeout is over, bottom lip quivering and whispers she is sorry and that she loves me. I grab her close and hug her tight and tell her I love her too. She lets me hug her for awhile and I'm silently thanking God for this beautiful little girl who both challenges and delights me, and I'm praying that He will help me be the mom she needs.