Friday, August 16, 2013

Faith For Fear

"I'm giving You fear and You give faith
I'm giving You doubt
You give me grace
For every step I've never been alone"
~Sidewalk Prophets
The little miss is finally in a big girl bed. It's pink, flowers and princesses - everything a little girl loves. And love it she does. . .during the day. When it comes to nighttime, her bed becomes the enemy and she fights me on having to sleep in it alone. Most nights still she will cry and cry or she will wake up in the night calling for me, whimpering that she is scared.
Some nights I am blurry eyed, half-asleep and inpatient - telling her there is nothing to be afraid of and to go back to sleep, hoping that this time she will believe me. But other nights I am not the walking dead and have more clarity and patience to try and help her through the fears.
A lot of her fears seem irrational to me; monsters in the closet, wolves under the bed, and other images born of a very active imagination. But to her these fears are very real dangers that lurk around every corner. It's my job as her mom to comfort her and help her work through it.
But it's more than just a duty I have to perform in my role as mother. I want to do it because I love her. Born out of my love for her is the desire to help her walk through the difficult stuff, to comfort her fears, hold her close when she is upset, and teach her that because of our Savior, we have nothing to fear. I constantly pray for the wisdom and discernment to help me teach both my little ones to walk in faith. Even in my sleep deprived, middle of the night, inpatient and grumpy state - my love for them and desire to be there for them, doesn't change. 
I see this in my relationship with my children, knowing that I am imperfect and flawed, and yet I still have difficulty at times believing the same is true for the One who loved me enough to die. There are days where I assume the Lord becomes frustrated with my fears and sees them as irrational and silly. I wonder if He thinks, "how many times have I proven to her that I am always with her and here she is again worrying about tomorrow."  
Thankfully, He is a God whose very nature is love. He loves me so much that He is patient with my fears.
Even if it's the hundredth time I've worried about:
My children's safety, He whispers, "They are mine and I am watching over them every moment of every day. I love them and I love you."
My finances, He whispers, "Trust me with all I've given you. I love you."
My heart being broken, He whispers, "Place your heart in my hands; I can guard it and I can heal it. I love you."
My future, He whispers: "Your future is under my control and I will walk every step with you. I love you."
He loves me enough to never stop showing me that He is here, even if I've questioned or faltered a thousand times. He is always guiding me towards Him, turning my fears into faith and proving He will neither leave me nor forsake me.
I am beyond thankful that He is "a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness." (Psalm 86:15)