Friday, March 22, 2013

Thankful on a Thursday

The little man and I have our mourning routine down the last few months. After dropping little miss off at daycare, I turn off the music and spend the 10-15 minutes it takes to get him to school to chat about the coming day and to pray.  Some mornings we both pray for each other and some mornings I pray for us both. I want him to know I care, that I am listening and that he can talk to me about anything and everything. More importantly, I want him to discover the peace and joy that awaits in a life built on a deep faith in God.

The past couple of days the air has been filled with silence during those miles between daycare and school. He's had a tough week and we've butted heads each morning, which has left us both frustrated and upset. He hasn't wanted to talk and he hasn't wanted to pray. I let him have the silence but continue the routine of praying for him even if in his anger he is resistant.

Wednesday morning as he climbed out of the car I called out "I love you," which was met with a barely audible grumble of something trying to resemble I love you too even if he didn't feel it in the moment.  I watched him walk away, so little still but already so grown. He's all skinny legs and arms right now. I remember counting each tiny finger and toe when they first placed him in my arms and the pure joy when he was able to start grabbing onto my hands in return.

My heart hurts when we have the tough mornings. I know that he has gone through a lot of change and that he is learning to figure out who he is and who he isn't. As I drive away I pray a silent prayer "Lord help me to be the mom he needs."

Thursday morning my happy boy had returned - it's amazing what a good night's sleep can do! For the first time, during our morning routine he excitedly asked if he could pray all on his own.  So I listened to the earnest prayers of my oldest. With eyes scrunched tight, he prayed for our day, for our family and he ended by asking the Lord to let us feel His love. The simple, trust-filled prayers of a small boy reminding me of God's love for us.

As he bounded out of the car with a huge grin on his face, he turned and said "I love you to the moon and back!"

I know that during the course of raising my little ones, there will be more tough mornings and days, and there will be many more joy and laughter-filled moments. And for the times that are hard, I know that I'm not doing this alone, that every step of the way God will provide me with what I need.