Living Life Together

I recently watched the movie Burnt. It was alright, not worth the theater price, but I liked the underlying theme. In one scene a character remarks to Bradley Cooper, "there is strength in needing others."

The line has stuck with me. The movie is not Christian-based, far from it in fact. But if you can get past the frequent f* bombs, there are a few good take-homes and I believe there is Biblical truth in that statement.

We are created for community, and most of us long for that authentic connection with others. We have a desire to be truly known, and we want to believe that even at our worst we can be loved and accepted.

However in this broken world, we also know that living life with others can be both rewarding and heartbreaking, joyful and painful, exciting and scary. Most of us have been hurt at the hands of others, sometimes unintentionally and sometimes intentionally.

I have dealt with the wounds inflicted by others by keeping people at arm's length, trying to control the relationships I have, or a variety of other ways to protect my heart and avoid future pain. When I'm honest with myself though, I know that these attempts are based in fear and fear-based choices reflect a lack of trust in the One who places each relationship in my life for a purpose.

We are created in God's image and His character - Father, Son and Holy Spirit - is one of perfect harmony and community. We are built to walk through life together, to love others deeply, to give and receive help and to reflect His light to others.

It is in doing life together, imperfectly, that we allow God to work through us. We can only be His hands and feet here on earth if we open ourselves up to others.

So I am learning that being strong doesn't mean proving I can do it on my own. Anyone who knows me can agree this isn't an easy lesson. I can be very bullheaded and try to prove I don't need help.

But as the character in the movie pointed out - strength comes in needing others, loving despite the price it may cost and having authentic relationships.

Thankfully the strength to do that is rooted in love, God's immeasurable love for us. His perfect love has the power to cast out fear, ground us in truth and enable us to freely and selflessly love others.

We are only able to love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).

I Will Trust in You

There are moments where I need God to show up in a special way, to speak to my heart like only He can do. In these instances, sometimes I play a Russian roulette game with my music playlist on shuffle. I'll ask God to choose songs for me that I need to hear. Now, I'm not sure if this is a biblically-rooted request on my part. But I do know that God sees my heart and desire to be comforted by Him instead of things of this world, and that He loves me.

So I made my request for Him to speak to my heart. And through the melody and words that statically played through my little iPhone speaker, the Lord reminded me of His truth and character. Through tears and thanksgiving, I sang along with the artist and offered up her words as my own prayer in response to His love.

Here are the words He spoke to my heart through the lovely voice of Lauren Daigle:

"Trust In You"

Letting go of every single dream

I lay each one down at Your feet

Every moment of my wandering

Never changes what You see

I’ve tried to win this war I confess

My hands are weary I need Your rest

Mighty Warrior, King of the fight

No matter what I face, You’re by my side

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move

When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through

When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You

I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings

There’s not a day ahead You have not seen

So, in all things be my life and breath

I want what You want Lord and nothing less

You are my strength and comfort

You are my steady hand

You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand

Your ways are always higher

Your plans are always good

There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood

I struggle with wanting things my way, as I'm sure many of us do. Yet I've learned (and I'm still learning) that God's way is always better. I can waste too much time fighting against it or trying to forcibly control the outcome, but it never works. Instead, it often causes unnecessary pain for me and others.

Thankfully, through His infinite grace, the Lord always shows me that allowing Him to work out His plans for my life is the best option. He does know what lies ahead and He has good plans. I can trust Him with my life and all of my dreams for the future.

Welcome Rain and Healing

I wake up to the sound of rain drumming it's beautiful beat on the windows. It's a welcome sound that we've been far too long without. I snuggle deeper into my warm comforter and listen to the soft sound that breaks the quiet of my home.

These quiet mornings are a rare gift, and I lift a prayer of thanks. I'm learning to love the stillness and rest that haven't always come natural to me. I fill my hours, my days, my time and my mind. At times out of the simple enjoyment of friendship, community, and exploring, and at times because I avoid being alone with the hard thoughts. In these past years of pain and loss, there has been sadness and hurt that I can try hard to avoid.

But I am learning the joy and peace that can only be found in the stillness, in the quiet times with the Lord. He beckons me to rest in Him, to let it go and let Him restore, revive and heal the broken places I want to hide from others and more honestly, from myself.  There is no loss or hurt too big that God cannot redeem. I only need to be afraid of facing the broken places if I didn't believe in a God who is able to do exceedingly more than I could imagine.

And I do believe in the God who is bigger than anything I face, the God who is in the business of healing, and the God who's very being is love.

As I listen to the rain, I feel the familiar tug of hope and joy on my heart. I am reminded how God's grace makes all things new. Just as the rain outside washes away the dirt and brings life, His love and grace wash clean the stains life has left on our hearts and makes all things new.

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19

He makes all things new. All He asks of me is to trust and love Him.

Shaking Ground

The ground is shaking in the area lately; a lot (and I mean A LOT) of earthquakes have rattled San Ramon. I don't like earthquakes at all; the unsteady ground, the not knowing when it's going to stop or what damage might happen or who will get hurt through it all - it's scary.

And it's a lot like life right now. It's shaky ground and I can't see around the corner to know when it will be stable again. And I don't like it, even more than I don't like earthquakes. I want to know when it will stop and how it is going to turn out, I want to know that it will be okay, I want to control the outcome, I don't want to get hurt and I want to understand why. But I can't. . .so I will wait.

My heart can feel like it's breaking in the midst of it all and the fear could be overwhelming. If not for God!

He speaks to my heart and reminds me He is here, that I'm not alone, that He will hold me until the shaking stops, and even then He will continue to hold me.

I don't understand and I don't know why certain things turn out the way they do. There's been a lot of loss in the last year. The pain has cut like a knife. Yet every step of the way He's led me, He's loved me and He's brought good and joy during the heartache.

I've also made a lot of mistakes in the midst of it all. I have let the fear speak louder than my faith. I have given into the emotions of the moment and wilted under the pain. I have been angry with God, with people, with the world. I have wanted to walk away from my faith because it feels too hard in the moment. But I have also loved and hoped and believed in a good God who has good plans. I have not given up and I put one step forward. Thankfully His grace carries me through.

I will lay my life on the only foundation that will always be solid and steady. Everything else may shake, crumble, even fall away, but God will be the same yesterday, today and forever.

"He only is my rock and my salvation, My Stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken." Psalm 62:2

When everything feels shaky, I will cling to what is steady and true. He knows what is around the corner and He knows when these "earthquakes" in my life will stop. So I kneel on bended knee and ask Him to help me learn to rest in Him during this time. To walk forward in faith, to help me trust Him even when everything around me is unsteady and not what I had planned.

"When all else is shaking ground, on Christ the solid rock I stand."

Finding Freedom in Grace

We are a little over half way through the season of lent. The days have sped by with the busyness of work and kids and traveling and just life in general. I have wanted to make a determined effort this year to slow down and take part in the season of repentance and truly understanding what the cross means.  But it has been difficult to not get caught up in the chaos of the every day. 

I have had time to reflect this past week though with some down time in the mountains and I can feel God stirring in my heart.  I can see clearly how I am more in love with God than ever before, even when I do not always understand His ways or His plans. I can question and be frustrated, but at the end of the day I know that I believe and trust in God's character.  I believe that He is a loving God who has good plans for me and my children.  I believe that even if the answer is not what I expected or wanted, maybe even a distinct No, that I believe in the God who knows what He is doing and is working on behalf of the children He loves.  I feel the Holy Spirit whispering to my heart the assurance of God's great offering of grace and love.

So I continue to take these forty days leading up to Easter to reflect on repentance and my need for grace.  The first part is not usually hard for me; it can be easy for me to point out my own short comings, failures and inadequacies. But being stuck on that first part isn't the intent and should not be the whole story. God doesn't want us to stay stuck in recognizing where we fail or are weak, instead He wants that realization to lead us to the part of recognizing the grace that He offers us in love.

When we see our need for Him and release all of our failures and heartaches to Him to restore, then there is freedom. He traveled the road to the cross to give us freedom.  Not freedom to do whatever we please, but the kind of freedom that comes in knowing we are not walking this earth alone. 

The freedom that promises us glimpses of His glory when we allow Him to shine through our broken parts and weaknesses.

The freedom that promises we have nothing to fear because of His great love for us. 

The freedom to hope and to trust in a good future.

The freedom to love without limits.

The freedom to forgive others and ourselves.

The freedom that can only be found in Christ.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."  Galatians 5:1

So my prayer for you during this second half of lent is that as you recognize your own need for God's abounding grace, that you will find freedom in knowing that He has already given it to us.

I Am His

I will be honest; I can often struggle with wanting to know right now how everything turns out in the end. Anyone who knows me is probably laughing as they read that line, because they are all too familiar with my Type A personality and desire to want to know and have control. This is no secret confession for those who know me best. But I still wanted to write it out as I'm definitely a person who processes things through writing.

During this season of Lent, I'm consciously trying to observe and understand the act of dying to myself.  I've been looking at what I need to let go of and sacrifice to God. What comes up again and again for me is learning to let go of needing to know how it will work out. I need to let go of control, and I need to rest and find contentment while God works the rest out.

There are times where I can feel lost and that I don't know who I am. I want to know how God is using me or is going to use me. It's a feeling of restlessness and searching.  It is also a deep struggle for control over my own life when I know that in reality I do not have the control.

One of the dangers is that when I feel like I'm being tossed around by the waves, I can find myself looking to others to define me.  Does a job well done at work, does the love of another, does having well behaved children or a clean house make me worthy? And if they don't, than who am I?

I found myself in prayer again, asking God to show me who I am.  I want Him to be the anchor of my soul and the source of my identity and security.  It was on my heart while I got ready for work, and as I drove, and it's been on my mind for days.   It's the desire to let Him have control but also wanting to know who I am in all of this.  It's the struggle of living in this world but learning to have my mind on the kingdom. 

Today was different though.  His answer resonated deep in my soul: "You Are Mine." 

Three little words, with no explanation of what that looks like.  But it was all I needed.  Me, in my gifts and in my imperfections, I am completely His.  It is the understanding that I learn to rest in that knowledge and trust He is already working.  He is shining His light and love into my darkness. He has fearfully and wonderfully made me, and His Holy Spirit is at work within me.

All I need to know is that I am His and nothing can change that.  I can let go of the fear and find everything I've needed because He has promised that in His presence "is fullness of joy." 

I am excited to continue this journey of Lent over the next 35 days.  I am looking expectantly to what God is working in me during this season.  I want to continue to walk in this place of recognizing how far I fall short of the glory of God but seeing the redemptive grace found in Jesus.  Henri Nouwen says:

"Lent is a time of returning to God.  It is a time to confess how we keep looking for joy, peace and satisfaction in the many people and things surrounding us without really finding what we desire.  Only God can give us what we want.  So we must be reconciled with God. . . The season of Lent, helps us in a special way to cry out for God's mercy."

My prayer for you is that God will also be showing you His mercy and love during this season, and that you never forget you are completely His.

From Dust to Dust

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust."  Psalm 103: 13-14

The sky is cloudy and grey today; it's been that way the last week or so as off and on, rain has finally hit the dry bones of this land in desperate need of water. It's Wednesday, Ash Wednesday.  A grey sky, like the grey of ashes, feels fitting on this day set aside to remind us of our own inevitable death and the fact we are imperfect, sinful people.  

Today is a reminder to me that this life is incredibly short even though it can feel so long at times. 

It's a reminder that I will take nothing, absolutely nothing, with me at the end of this life except my relationship with the living God.   Because "for dust you are and to dust you will return. (Genesis 3:19)" 

And it's a reminder that I will only reach heaven because of the One who loved me so much He journeyed to the cross and conquered death for me. That in my imperfection and weaknesses, I could never be good enough to save myself.

It may feel like a bleak or even defeated outlook, but I don't see it that way at all.

I see the cross even on this day of ashes, and in that I see incredible hope.  I recognize my desperate need for a loving God and the fact that it's okay I cannot do it on my own because I have a Father who's strength is made perfect in my weaknesses.  Most importantly, I don't see death as the end, but as only the beginning. 

 

So today marks the beginning of a 40 day journey towards the cross. A time set aside to reflect on my relationship with Jesus and to remember that because of Him, there is a hope that will never disappoint. I am not giving up anything this year, instead I'm taking this time to dig deeper into the word and my relationship with my heavenly father and His son who gave up everything to save me. I'm committing to reading through the New Testament in the next 40 days, maybe you'll think about joining me.