Being Able to Notice

Slow Down Challenge Day 1 - Notice:  "Take time to notice the things that other people are overlooking. Find a way to interrupt your busy schedule and enjoy what's right in front of you. . . These are not distractions from life; they are life itself."

The day had been long, I was tired and the past week and a half have been a bit rough and stressful.  Driving home, no part of me whatsoever wanted to go for a run or do anything other than sit on my butt for the next hour before my plans for the evening.

But knowing that I am doing this challenge and having promised myself that I will do what it takes to work through stress in a healthy way; I made myself get outside.  I put in my earphones, turned on worship music and began putting foot to pavement.

When I reached the Crow Canyon creek and gardens, there was no one else around so I decided to slow down and soak it all in.

It was quiet except for the warm breeze that rustled the trees and the music coming through my earphones.  Hillsong's Desert Song played:

All of my life, in every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship.

As I listened to the lyrics, I felt deeply content and hopeful. I was thankful for the time alone and in that time to myself I could once again recognize I am never doing this life on my own.

Slowing Down

I started Jeff Goins' Slow Down Challenge yesterday, a five-day series with the aim of learning to live your everyday life with intention and focusing on the things that matter.  I happened upon this challenge through Twitter and it immediately caught my attention.  Goins' says:

"When we slow down, we do better, more creative work; we become better stewards of the relationships in our lives; and we grow grateful for the small things in life. . . The reality is, this is true for all of us, wherever we are. Right now is the only time you will ever have. So it has to be the best — because it’s all you get. Better make the most of it."

Part of the reason this spoke to me is the stage I'm in right now in my life. Working full time with two kids can be exhausting. There are nightmare-filled, sleepless nights; a never ending to-do list of household chores; potty training ups and downs; work deadlines; homework; sibling squabbles; comforting let downs and hurt hearts and more.

Some weeks the days run one into the other and Friday is here before it seems Monday has even finished. At times I can find myself thinking; "I can't wait until we are past potty training; it'll be nice when they are no longer afraid of the dark and want to sleep in." But there are dangers in that, because before I know it they will be all grown up and not my little ones anymore. And I will miss those nighttime snuggles and jelly smeared faces.

I don't want to take these moments and days for granted. I want to find joy in it all; in every moment, in the difficult, the frustrating, the exhausting, the exciting, the happy and the fun. I want to see what God is doing and as Goins' so eloquently says, I want to be grateful for the small stuff.  So as I begin this short five day journey, I'm praying that God will continue to open my eyes to see what He is doing in my life and the lives of my children. I'm also praying that He will show me how to rest, to be thankful for this very moment and to not always be waiting for the next step or next phase.

Faith For Fear

"I'm giving You fear and You give faith
I'm giving You doubt
You give me grace
For every step I've never been alone"

~Sidewalk Prophets

 

The little miss is finally in a big girl bed. It's pink, flowers and princesses - everything a little girl loves. And love it she does. . .during the day. When it comes to nighttime, her bed becomes the enemy and she fights me on having to sleep in it alone. Most nights still she will cry and cry or she will wake up in the night calling for me, whimpering that she is scared.

 

Some nights I am blurry eyed, half-asleep and inpatient - telling her there is nothing to be afraid of and to go back to sleep, hoping that this time she will believe me. But other nights I am not the walking dead and have more clarity and patience to try and help her through the fears.

 

A lot of her fears seem irrational to me; monsters in the closet, wolves under the bed, and other images born of a very active imagination. But to her these fears are very real dangers that lurk around every corner. It's my job as her mom to comfort her and help her work through it.

 

 

But it's more than just a duty I have to perform in my role as mother. I want to do it because I love her. Born out of my love for her is the desire to help her walk through the difficult stuff, to comfort her fears, hold her close when she is upset, and teach her that because of our Savior, we have nothing to fear. I constantly pray for the wisdom and discernment to help me teach both my little ones to walk in faith. Even in my sleep deprived, middle of the night, inpatient and grumpy state - my love for them and desire to be there for them, doesn't change. 

 

I see this in my relationship with my children, knowing that I am imperfect and flawed, and yet I still have difficulty at times believing the same is true for the One who loved me enough to die. There are days where I assume the Lord becomes frustrated with my fears and sees them as irrational and silly. I wonder if He thinks, "how many times have I proven to her that I am always with her and here she is again worrying about tomorrow."  

 

Thankfully, He is a God whose very nature is love. He loves me so much that He is patient with my fears.

 

Even if it's the hundredth time I've worried about:

 

My children's safety, He whispers, "They are mine and I am watching over them every moment of every day. I love them and I love you."

 

My finances, He whispers, "Trust me with all I've given you. I love you."

 

My heart being broken, He whispers, "Place your heart in my hands; I can guard it and I can heal it. I love you."

 

My future, He whispers: "Your future is under my control and I will walk every step with you. I love you."

 

 

He loves me enough to never stop showing me that He is here, even if I've questioned or faltered a thousand times. He is always guiding me towards Him, turning my fears into faith and proving He will neither leave me nor forsake me.

 

I am beyond thankful that He is "a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness." (Psalm 86:15)

Jesus in Disguise

Last Tuesday I had the awesome opportunity to go with my friend Erin to see Amy Grant and Brandon Heath in concert, as well as spend a little bit of time talking to them beforehand. And when I say it was awesome, that is an understatement. I will freely admit that I was completely star-struck.

 

While I'd like to think that I appeared cool, calm and collected despite what I was actually feeling, I doubt that was completely true.

Here is how I am hoping it went down:

Me: "I enjoy your music. Oh yeah, I've heard World War Z is a great movie and that will be the perfect way to escape the heat."  See I got this; I'm totally not phased by meeting someone I hear on the radio every day.

To onlookers: "That woman looks so calm and relaxed, she must meet famous people just about every day because she carries on a conversation like a PRO." 

How I'm sure it really went down:

Me: "I know who you are; I listen to your music ALL the time."  Awkward pause when I cannot call to mind a title of any song.  OMG! I am meeting Amy Grant and Brandon Heath. I'm right now chatting with a famous singer, someone who has been nominated for a GRAMMY. 5. TIMES! Yep, that's right 5 times, and now I'm here chatting about the day like it ain't no thang. What is something really cool to say? Why CAN I NOT REMEMBER  the name of a single song! I hope I don't have anything stuck in my teeth. Why do I sound like a teenage girl in my head?!

How I probably looked to everyone around me: "Why does she kind of look like she might pass out any second. She is definitely giggling like a teenage groupie and has not stopped smiling the entire time."

Looking at the ear to ear grin on my face in the picture; I'm strongly thinking that it was the second of the two scenarios that took place, lol. Oh well, at least I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been tongue tied when meeting someone famous.

Besides being silly and star-struck beforehand, the concert itself was a fun and uplifting experience. Amy Grant sang some of her newer stuff as well as some of her old hits. Having grown up listening to her music, I think I knew just about every song.

There was some great worship music thrown in the mix, and throughout the night I was reminded of how truly blessed I am. I am very fortunate to have Erin for a friend and I know that if life hadn't taken the turn it did a few years ago, her and I would not be nearly as close. I am always amazed how God weaves stories together and brings the right people in your life at the right time. Although the story of how Erin knows Amy Grant isn't my personal story to tell, it is another example of how God can set things in motion in ways we never imagined in order to show us His love for us.

One of the songs performed was Jesus in Disguise. It was a reminder of the fact that Jesus works through others to show His love, as well as a reminder that we need to be His love to those around us. There is a line that is repeated:

"So open my eyes wide as I can, blind as I am. Jesus in disguise."

I want that to be one of the prayers of my heart; that my eyes are open to all that He is doing in and around me and that I can also be a reflection of His love for others.

My Own Smallness

I was in Tahoe two weeks ago for work and was able to snag a little down time to enjoy all of the amazing scenery. I've grown up visiting this jewel of the Sierra Nevada, and yet every visit still leaves me awestruck. When I come upon views where the lake's brilliant blues seamlessly merge with the deep blues of the sky, I close my eyes and feel this is one of those lovely places where heaven really does meet earth.

On my second evening, I snuck out after our dinner and drove along the lake's shore, stopping often to take pictures. I had planned this evening to myself knowing that friends were joining me soon and the remainder of the weekend would be busy and filled with a lot of socializing.

At one point I pulled over and hiked down a bit to get a better view. The sun bathed the trees and shore in warm light and I felt myself smiling. I was completely alone in the tucked away outlet, which isn't something I always enjoy because I love being social and having the company of others, but this aloneness was different. It was peaceful. The thick silence wasn't even broken by the sound of cars driving by.

I was yet again reminded of my own smallness, which is something that has come up a lot in the last few months. I often try to tune in and pay attention when I feel that God is showing me the same thing again and again.  We live in a society where there is the constant drive to always be bigger and better.

But maybe instead we should delight in our smallness. In recognizing that about myself I am allowing God to be bigger. I am no longer striving to be better than the person next to me, but I am able to rest in God's greatness. And when I see that it is His greatness at work, than all I need to do is ask God how He will use that through me.

 

I stayed out until the last bit of sunlight was gone, reluctant to leave behind all the beauty I was seeing. With not a cloud in the sky during the day, the sunset's colors were soft and subtle. A gentle whisper of the beauty of His creation.





A Camping Sky

  

 

We couldn't figure out exactly what direction the sun was going to set behind the mountains and trees we were camping among, so we decided to simply head down to the lake and see what views we might catch of the setting sun. I was not disappointed with the beauty being displayed as the clouds and sky changed from a brilliant blue to dusty rose, soft orange and buttery yellow.

Soon the sun dipped out of sight and the sky became blanketed with a thousand tiny, twinkling stars.  There is nothing quite like the stars when camping. Their light isn't obscured by city lights, allowing them to brilliantly illuminate the dark canvas of night. I look up and I am left amazed and aware of my own smallness.

You might have noticed that I may just be wildly in love with and mildly obsessed with the sky. However, in my defense, my draw to it lies in the fact that when I stand there and take in the grandeur, I am always left in awe. Every time I see a sky splashed with the colors of a sun setting or rising, or a thousand stars dancing across the night sky, I recognize that the creator of all of these things loves me. He who is big enough to set the stars in motion and put mountains in place; He loves me in my weaknesses, in my strengths, in the moments I get it right and in the moments I get it wrong.

When I consider your heavens,

    the work of your fingers,

the moon and the stars,

    which you have set in place,

what is mankind that you are mindful of them,

    human beings that you care for them?

Psalm 8: 3-4

 

The day to day of life can be difficult, busy or mundane, and it can be easy to get caught up in the routine and lose sight of the joy and love offered in our Creator. But when I can stop and notice something like this great expanse we call the sky turn a hundred different shades - a sight more beautiful than any painting - I am reminded of how much more there is to this life. 

 

 

Soaking Up the Sun and the Freedom

Yesterday we celebrated the 4th of July. We soaked up the sun; delighting in the hot weather and cherishing the time with dear friends.  We splashed in the pool, enjoyed delicious food fresh off of the BBQ and played hard until the little ones finally crashed from exhaustion. There were wrinkled toes and fingers from hours spent in the pool. There were sticky, chocolate smeared smiles enjoying ice cream cones. There was laughter and contentment. There was the comfort of being exactly who you are with friends you've known since childhood and the fun of meeting new people.

It was a day filled with happy moments and an overall sense of delight. A day of celebration of the freedom we can so often taken for granted.

It is also a reminder for me of the freedom I have in Christ and for that I am truly thankful. So while today is Friday and Thursday just flew by from start to finish; I am taking a moment to be thankful for the freedoms I am offered in my savior:

1. The freedom to enjoy my life right now, as it is, knowing that He is in control.
2. The freedom of not facing my fears alone and a God who replaces them with trust and faith.
3. Freedom from my past mistakes.
4. Freedom to change who I am and to become the woman He designed me to be through His continual work in me.
5. The freedom of knowing that my future is already determined.
6. Freedom to be comfortable in my own skin, knowing that I was designed with a purpose.
7. Freedom from worry.

I am constantly reminded that because of what He did for me; there is freedom and joy in this life as I surrender it all to Him.

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." 2 Corinthians 3:17